I had one friend describe her stay in the hospital with her daughter as "A Roller Coaster Ride", and I would have to agree that is the only way to describe it! From day one we have had so many ups and downs. One day he looks good and is getting a good report and then the next minute he is not breathing, or he gets a fever, or his levels are dangerously low. It can truly drive a parent crazy! Two days ago when he spiked his fever in the middle of the night, Erik woke me up to tell me about it and I pretty much shut down. I freaked out just a little, and that whole day I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I would'nt really talk to Erik and all I wanted to do was cry and sleep. I did not think I could handle any more. AND I COULD NOT! That day, the very moment that Erik told me the news, I should have gone straight to the One who is in control. Instead I started down the path of no return, worrying about every possible scenario and believing the worst was going to happen. Thankfully God pulled me out of my craziness and brought me back to Him. That day cannot repeat itself. I do not think that I can handle it nor should I. There is no reason I should ever feel alone in all of this. Trusting God is soooooo much easier than the alternative. We are taking this trial that God has allowed us to endure one day at a time. We cannot dwell on the future because we have no idea what the future holds. We can only know what is happening right at this moment and trust that the Almighty God of the Universe has a plan in all of this. For some reason He chose us to go through this and He will bring us through. We have received countless emails of encouragement and prayer and we are so thankful for our amazing support group! Everyday there is someone new on the blog or facebook that heard about our precious baby Dylan from someone else, and although they do not know us, they are praying for our family! What an awesome testimony of how great our God is! Dylan's story is reaching families across the world and countless people are down on thier knees praying for our little boy! Thank you so much for all of your prayers and encouragement! I have had people tell me that they can not wait to wake up and see new updates on baby Dylan and to read about his journey! Some even text or email me to find out why we have not put anything up yet! That is awesome! I too wake up excited to read new encouraging emails and comments, and God is truly using everyone to help us through this. Erik and I are excited to see how God works through this horrible situation to accomplish His perfect plan. We know He has a purpose. Whether we see that purpose today, next year, or never, we know He is in control! We are truly amazed by the support of everyone! Thank you for the continued prayers and we know we are not alone in this journey!
Love Michelle
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A verse that was a real comfort to me in a time like this where I realized, "I can't do this" was Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, Oh man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? " With that verse, I just threw myself on the Lord and finally RESTED in Christ. I'm praying for both Dylan and Mom and Dad!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, some days, it may be too hard for you to make yourself turn to Him, but don't castigate yourself over it. That sort of condemnation is not from Him, and whether you can choose Him or not, He is still holding you, still caring, still covering you with His love. You're just a mom, going through one of the most difficult experiences a mom can live, and you don't know how this is going to end. Remember His grace, remember His mercies are new every morning, remember that even if your whole world falls apart, He is still faithful. You may feel alone, because you are human and you are so weak, but He chose you out for this because He wanted to be your God. He will sustain you.
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